Monday, November 23, 2009

Dreams end

The morning light filtered through the windows into the silent room. The cheerful illumination starke contrast to the shadows in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, a vain attempt to block out the screaming of protest to her heart she knelt, dropping slowly to her knees as she had so many times before, so many happy times. Her bottom rested snuggly between her heals, her toes pointed parallel to the floor, her shoulders pulled back caused a graceful arch to her back. Reverent. Respectful. Silent. Sorrowful. Hesitantly her hand traced the delicate metal around her neck as to commit the intricate pattern to memory; a needless action for the cool metal had long since burned its place into her soul. A burn much stronger than the sting behind her eyelids.

Letting her chin drop and her long curls fall to the side over her shoulder she reached behind her to unlock the clasp. The opening "click" so silent she was sure it was only her imagination that made the sound seem like the slamming of steel door. Or perhaps the slamming was the sound of her heartbeat, the irratic pulse as it rushed in her ears. She opened her eyes to try to ease the fire and focus on the floor, a small patch of carpet just before his feet.

He shifted His weight impatiently.

It was time.

Her hands began to tremble noticably as she removed the collar from her neck. Leaning forward she placed the beautiful symbolism of her love and ownership on the very spot of carpet at which she had been staring.

One tear fell, absorbed by the fabric of the plush carpet. Gone. Disappeared as if it had never existed. Just like the dissolution of her dreams. Her heart stopped. There was no pounding, no rhythm, no whooshing. There was complete silence and she had to consciously remind herself to the breathe. The pain was ripping and jagged, it tore through her chest into her very soul and she couldn't control the tears any longer. With one quick gesture she removed the ring from her left ring finger nearly dropping it from the tremor of her hands. She didn't even look at it. She didn't need to. She knew the pattern, the cut and design of the metal shaped into tiny leaves supporting a diamond flower. She'd never forget. As she set the ring in the exact center of the empty collar her shoulders began to shake and she bit down hard on her bottom lip to silence any sound that would give her away.

She never looked up at Him. She never looked at His eyes. She knew seeing the the cold empitness there now where there once was warmth and love would be more than she could bear. Keeping her chin down and eyes closed in a poor attempt to hide her tears she rose to her feet with more strength than she actually felt.

He never said a word. He never moved. He never acknowledged her actions or seemed to notice her pain.

It was time.

It was over.

Turning, she walked away from her life, her dreams, her hope. Constricted and unyeilding her throat allowed her only one word, a choked whisper, "Goodbye."

(c) 11/23/2009 sierra sugar

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

and now for something completely different...

she waits..., originally uploaded by snowtigress.

"He's making me happy, but i'm conflicted too because i feel so incredibly strong for Him."

This was a comment received to me from a friend of mine, someone relatively new and exploring her place in the lifestyle. What lifestyle? Well those of you that have known me for any length of time know that i am submissive. Those of you that don't know me please realize this, it is a lifestyle choice and one lived and experienced outside of the confines of Second Life. It is not a game. It is not a place to act out fantasies of bondage and abuse. But in fact the lifestyle to those that choose to live it, it's something so much more and at the very core of it has little to do with sex, bondage, pain, games, or anything you may have heard or witness in your time in SL. What you see there for the most part tends to be perpetuation of stereo types. There *are* many who live it outside of SL and use the realm of VR to enhance their experiences. *Those* are the people you need to watch for a hint at any truth in the lifestyle.

So we return to the quote from my friend who is experiencing perhaps her first real submissive feelings and relationship ever. She's seen the stereotypes. She's seen the velcro collars, where one is "bound" to one "Master" today and another tomorrow. That is not real. That is not even remotely close to real. There is no flippancy or frivolousness in a real Ds relationship. When one is truly submissive to one who is truly Dominant the bond between the two is nothing short of extraordinary. You can equate the bond to that of wedding vows, but even deeper. The level of trust, respect, and love go far beyond conventional relationships. It simply must for one to give up all of themselves to another. It simply must for one to benevolently accept the total protection and care of another. There simply must be unrestrained and uninhibited communication at all times between a Master and submissive. There *is* no other option.

So why is she feeling conflicted? Because everything she's seen tells her she's not supposed to care. Because everything she's seen in this amazing VR world in which we choose to spend our lives shows her that she isn't allowed to be loved. And because everything she's seen is in direct opposition to everything she is feeling. What she is feeling is real. It has no expectations. It has no boundaries other than what her and her new Dominant set for themselves. Each and every Ds relationship is unique and individual. The terms are set by the two hearts involved. Two hearts. Two minds. Two souls. That's right, BOTH get to equally contribute to what their relationship is going to be. Its not a dictatorship where the submissive gives up everything with no say and nothing in return. One does not command submission of another simply because one deems Him or Herself a Dominant. Submission is given as a gift of love and trust, just as Dominance is a gift of love and protection. Both are bound by respect of one to the other, total and complete honesty.

She is conflicted because her heart is involved yet everything she's seen tells her it shouldn't be. Everything she's seen tells her she should be detached, that she is property, owned and easily discarded. And everything she's seen is completely and totally wrong! Her heart SHOULD be involved. Her heart, her head, her soul, her body, and every single part of her. Just as every single part of Him should be involved. And by all outward signs and conversations both seem to be fully engaged on every level of this commitment and well on their way to a flourishing, fulfilling, and quite loving, healthy Ds relationship.

So my friend, do *not* be conflicted because your heart dictates what you feel. Do not be conflicted because He makes you happy. Do *not* be conflicted because He shows you tenderness, kindness, love, and compassion. These are all signs of a real, honest, caring, and tender Dominant. Cherish it! Revel in it! Enjoy it! Live it like no other around you. This is YOUR relationship. Make it what the two of you want for it to be and don't let others tell you it should be different. Don't let stereotypes around you convince you that this is "not the way its done". Only the two of you can determine the "way it is done" that is best for the two of you. Talk, share, communicate, love, feel, and most of all enjoy.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Questionable Accessories

Optical Mouse, originally uploaded by snowtigress.

***DISCLAIMER: pet peeve rant below.***

I follow a few fashion blogs, ok well more than a few. Anyway, I've noticed a trend lately that has me shaking my head. A few years ago Nitty Gritty made these adorably fun little attachments for nekos. They made cute little house mice, optical (computer) mice, fish, fish skeletons, bird feathers, and a few other kitty themed items that we could appear to have gobbled. They were cute and playful, and most of all fit with what a cat might actually get caught doing.

Lately, I've noticed a steady stream of fashion bloggers posting pictures with avatars standing there with food hanging from their mouth. Most of them look as if it has been stuck to their bottom lip with super glue. I've seen pop tarts, lollipops, and even toast. I do get the essence of cute, but do we really walk around with food hanging out of our mouths? And that is more to the point of my post here. Not only have I seen pictures splashed all over the net with various morsels of food prominently featured precariously dangling from otherwise beautiful Avatar's bottom lips, I have actually seen people walking around the grid with these things. Just seems like bad manners. Maybe its just me.

We all have our own personal tastes, pun intended. But while I'm pictured playfully here with a mouse that I caught and ran away with (please note I made an effort to hide with my captured treasure in a tree), I wouldn't walk around with it rudely sticking out of my mouth. I'd finish my meal or hide my treat. And I would never be caught with sugary little pop tart stuck to my bottom lip, just as I would assume a non-feline creature would not walk around with a cat-nip filled toy in their mouth.

For those of you who find the sweet-filled pastry turned mouth adornments fashionable, photo worthy and posted on the high profile fashion blogs please note this is not a personal affront to you. Just an observation, quirk if you will, and isolated opinion of one little kitty trying to find her own individuality in this great big SL.