Saturday, July 24, 2010

Argument in favor of a Private Tutor (Another "Big Fish")

"You know before they'll let you live up here you have to pass Yankee School."

This is what he tells me. "Yankee School", an indoctrination into the ways of being a Yankee. Apparently, Southerners cannot legally become a citizen of the Island unless they pass this secretive training camp. And just WHERE is this all-important Yankee School located?

"Yankee Stadium. You'll have to go there for two weeks."

I can feel my heart pounding and the faint tingling of a burn in my eyes. Two weeks?! How am I ever going to survive two weeks in Yankee Stadium all by myself, well all by myself with presumably hundreds of other potential Yankee wanna-bes, or possibly-bees, or how-the-hell-did-I-end-up-here-bees people? It was time for some serious action and negotiating.

The law says I have to pass Yankee School to live there, but it doesn't say I *have* to go to Yankee Stadium. That's just the most common and largest gathering place to convert, I mean teach unknowing Southerner's about the mysterious ways of the North, including their clipped, edgy vowel sounding vocabulary. What if I had a private tutor? What if he was my private tutor? Surely there is precedence for that.

He’s being stubborn. Or coy? Or perhaps playful? “I dunno. Why do you need a private tutor?” He asks.

Oh why indeed. *puts on her most innocent and sincere game face and commences with the powers of negotiation*

Throughout history there have been distinct fashion differences between the North and the South. One has only to watch the transformation of Michelle Pfieffer in the movie “Up Close & Personal” when she moves from South Florida to a news station in the North to realize that there are still distinct differences in acceptable attire for specific roles. And is not a “school girl” a specific role? I believe it is. And thus my argument in favor of a private tutor is that coming from Florida I have only the proper attire for a Florida School Girl and not a Yankee School Girl. It would be unacceptable, inappropriate, and possibly illegal for me to venture out to Yankee Stadium dressed in such clothing. Therefore requiring me to have a private tutor for the duration of my “Yankee School.”

Exhibit A – Proper Yankee School Girl

Yankee School Girl

Skin: Curio – Sunkissed Elf Light Freckles Snug 1
Hair: Truth – Lillian in Blood
Eyes: Poetic Color – Poison Ivy
Shirt: SF Designs Flexi Tie in Ruby
Tie: SF Designs Fair Isle Vest and Short Sleeved Shirt in Gray
Skirt: *Last Call* Hunt Club – The Baroness in Blood
Stockings: Deviance Flirt Stockings (From the Deviance Flirtatious outfit)
Shoes: Vignette – Toasties in Soil
Ears: *Dreams* Snowy White - Tied with a Bow
Pose: [LAP] Spice – Back to the Wall
Desk: Basic Desk v3
Bookshelf: RFD - Biedermeier Book Cabinet
Laptop: PixelTrix Laptop 1.33 - White

Exhibit B – Typical Florida School Girl

Florida School Girl

Skin: PXL – Lt NE Rose with Light Eyebrow
Hair: Truth – Ashlin in Blood
Eyes: Poetic Color – Poison Ivy
Shirt: B@R - Kar shirt in white
Tie: B@R - Kar pink tie
Pants: Branded – Denim Rolled Shorts
Shoes: N-Core – High School ExtremeHeel in Black
Ears: *Dreams* Snowy White - Tied with a Bow
Tail: *Dreams* Snowy White - Tied with a Bow
Pose: eMOTIONS - Aloof
Backpack: SF Designs – Puppy Backpack
Window seat: Second Spaces - Camille Window Seat w/accessories (Down the Chimney Hunt Prize)

Hopefully I've presented a strong enough case to win him over and have him be my private tutor. A poor Florida kitty wouldn't survive a day, much less two weeks in the chilling New York climate and harsh fashion critical eyes.