Wednesday, April 15, 2009

and now for something completely different...

she waits..., originally uploaded by snowtigress.

"He's making me happy, but i'm conflicted too because i feel so incredibly strong for Him."

This was a comment received to me from a friend of mine, someone relatively new and exploring her place in the lifestyle. What lifestyle? Well those of you that have known me for any length of time know that i am submissive. Those of you that don't know me please realize this, it is a lifestyle choice and one lived and experienced outside of the confines of Second Life. It is not a game. It is not a place to act out fantasies of bondage and abuse. But in fact the lifestyle to those that choose to live it, it's something so much more and at the very core of it has little to do with sex, bondage, pain, games, or anything you may have heard or witness in your time in SL. What you see there for the most part tends to be perpetuation of stereo types. There *are* many who live it outside of SL and use the realm of VR to enhance their experiences. *Those* are the people you need to watch for a hint at any truth in the lifestyle.

So we return to the quote from my friend who is experiencing perhaps her first real submissive feelings and relationship ever. She's seen the stereotypes. She's seen the velcro collars, where one is "bound" to one "Master" today and another tomorrow. That is not real. That is not even remotely close to real. There is no flippancy or frivolousness in a real Ds relationship. When one is truly submissive to one who is truly Dominant the bond between the two is nothing short of extraordinary. You can equate the bond to that of wedding vows, but even deeper. The level of trust, respect, and love go far beyond conventional relationships. It simply must for one to give up all of themselves to another. It simply must for one to benevolently accept the total protection and care of another. There simply must be unrestrained and uninhibited communication at all times between a Master and submissive. There *is* no other option.

So why is she feeling conflicted? Because everything she's seen tells her she's not supposed to care. Because everything she's seen in this amazing VR world in which we choose to spend our lives shows her that she isn't allowed to be loved. And because everything she's seen is in direct opposition to everything she is feeling. What she is feeling is real. It has no expectations. It has no boundaries other than what her and her new Dominant set for themselves. Each and every Ds relationship is unique and individual. The terms are set by the two hearts involved. Two hearts. Two minds. Two souls. That's right, BOTH get to equally contribute to what their relationship is going to be. Its not a dictatorship where the submissive gives up everything with no say and nothing in return. One does not command submission of another simply because one deems Him or Herself a Dominant. Submission is given as a gift of love and trust, just as Dominance is a gift of love and protection. Both are bound by respect of one to the other, total and complete honesty.

She is conflicted because her heart is involved yet everything she's seen tells her it shouldn't be. Everything she's seen tells her she should be detached, that she is property, owned and easily discarded. And everything she's seen is completely and totally wrong! Her heart SHOULD be involved. Her heart, her head, her soul, her body, and every single part of her. Just as every single part of Him should be involved. And by all outward signs and conversations both seem to be fully engaged on every level of this commitment and well on their way to a flourishing, fulfilling, and quite loving, healthy Ds relationship.

So my friend, do *not* be conflicted because your heart dictates what you feel. Do not be conflicted because He makes you happy. Do *not* be conflicted because He shows you tenderness, kindness, love, and compassion. These are all signs of a real, honest, caring, and tender Dominant. Cherish it! Revel in it! Enjoy it! Live it like no other around you. This is YOUR relationship. Make it what the two of you want for it to be and don't let others tell you it should be different. Don't let stereotypes around you convince you that this is "not the way its done". Only the two of you can determine the "way it is done" that is best for the two of you. Talk, share, communicate, love, feel, and most of all enjoy.